A Compilation of Finagle’s Universal Laws for Naïve Engineers
H. Curtis
The Recommended Practices Committee of the International Society of Philosophical Engineers Presents:
Axiom #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
Axiom #2: Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.
Axiom #3: In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.
Axiom #4: The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.
Axiom #5: The most vital dimension of any plan or drawing stand the best change of being omitted.
Axiom #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.
Axiom #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.
Axiom #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.
Axiom #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly completed.
Axiom #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
Axiom #11: Interchangeable parts won’t.
Axiom #12: Manufacturer’s specifications of performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5.
Axiom #13: Salesmen’s claims for performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.
Axiom #14: Installation and operation instructions shipped with any device will be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department.
Axiom #15: Any6 device requiring service or adjustments will be least accessible.
Axiom #16: Service conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded.
Axiom #17: If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Axiom #18: Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion in the field.
Axiom #19: If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is set through service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.
Axiom #20: Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Note: While the accuracy of the above Axioms is vouched for, the Committee does not feel that this compilation is by any means complete. The Committee will welcome to the list any additions conforming to good philosophical engineering practice.
Axioms #2 and #5 stem from Finagle’s more fundamental observations that “the most important leg of any three-legged stool is the one that’s missing.”
I’ll add to that:
Axiom #22: The logarithm of failure rate increases linearly with the logarithm of age. (aka Weibull’s Power Law.)
~ for my Father
"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
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